


Just Hold Me

by bcbdrums



Category: Kim Possible (Cartoon)
Genre: Accidental Death, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Attempted Murder, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Gentle Kissing, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, It's not as bad as the tags imply, Kissing, Light Petting, Mild Sexual Content, Post-Canon, Sexual Assault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:19:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24452755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bcbdrums/pseuds/bcbdrums
Summary: Drakken's mind wouldn't let him sleep, even though he told himself it was illogical to wait up when she clearly wasn't going to answer her phone.  He'd gone from calling every few minutes in the PM hours to calling every thirty when he realized Shego was likely doing something stealthy or was too busy to answer. And if there was a terrible reason for it, being well-rested would mean he would be in better shape to help her out the next day.He groaned and closed his cell phone when it went to her voicemail again, staring in anger at the device. If she was letting it ring out, then why wouldn't she—The front door of their condo slammed open, and then closed again. He was out of the bed and running even before he heard her voice."Drakken!" she shouted frantically.
Relationships: Dr. Drakken/Shego (Kim Possible)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	Just Hold Me

**Author's Note:**

> _**A/N: My general headcanon is that Drakken and Shego stay evil after the series finale. But for this little AU I went with the "they're working for GJ" trope.** _
> 
> _**Anyway, I challenged myself to a flashfic...but that didn't happen. This several-day monstrosity happened instead. Still trying to get the writing bug back.** _
> 
> _**This one got kind of out of hand... It's angsty and M-rated, and there's some serious trigger warnings in this... Read the AO3 tags... Dunno how this happened. Blame it on me being asleep while writing. But as with all of my tags, it's never as bad as it appears. Most things are mentioned only, not seen.** _
> 
> _**If you need someone to blame,[ iconicgwen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/iconicgwen/pseuds/iconicgwen) requested hurt/comfort. *finger guns* And a part of this was also inspired by a conversation with [GothicThundra](https://www.fanfiction.net/u/466264/Gothicthundra) a couple of days ago. The other part was inspired by something I role-played/co-wrote with my BFF years ago that stuck with me...** _

Drakken jerked awake, and then yawned. He looked over at the clock.

Three twenty-eight.

His entire body hurt as he pressed the speed-dial on his cell phone. He closed his eyes and held the phone to his ear as it rang out again. He'd gone from calling every few minutes in the PM hours to calling every thirty when he realized Shego was likely doing something stealthy or was too busy to answer.

It wasn't that the Global Justice job hadn't kept her out late before. In fact, it frequently kept her out for several days at a time, sometimes in a different time zone. No, his sudden concern was due to the fact that they'd just recently found out she was pregnant, and the idea of her kicking bad guy butts in dark alleys had become worrisome instead of cool.

Drakken's mind wouldn't let him sleep, even though he told himself it was illogical to wait up when she clearly wasn't going to answer her phone. And if there _was_ a terrible reason for it, being well-rested would mean he would be in better shape to help her out the next day.

He groaned and closed his cell phone when it went to her voicemail again, staring in anger at the device. If she was letting it ring out, then why wouldn't she—

The front door of their condo slammed open, and then closed again. He was out of the bed and running even before he heard her voice.

"Drakken!"

Her shout was urgent, almost frantic. Drakken nearly tripped on the corner of the hallway as he ran, and then the wind was knocked out of him as Shego crashed into his chest, and in a tangle of limbs they hit the wall together, and then the floor.

Drakken wanted to complain about the sudden pains in his body from the hard fall, but he was too concerned with the way Shego was breathing heavily where she lay atop him. He scrambled out from under her while trying to hold her close at the same time, and he reached one hand up and pawed at the wall for the light switch.

"Shego! What is it? Is everything all—"

The hall lights flashed on as his fingers bumped the switch, and his eyes were suddenly in a battle between the need to protect from the sudden blinding sensation and the shock at the sight of his wife in front of him.

The front of her suit was open with the zipper broken about halfway down, and there were four bleeding scrapes on her cheek that looked to have been made by fingernails. She was trembling as she stared up into his face, also trying to get used to the light, but her face spoke of great horror.

"What happened? Are you all right?"

He watched as she bit her lip, and then the inside of her cheeks. Tears began welling up in her eyes despite her efforts to fight them. Finally, she shook her head as she gasped a harsh, "No," and threw her arms around him and set her face against his neck as she fought for control of her emotions.

Drakken wanted to console her against whatever had happened, but he couldn't until he knew more. He shifted until he was on his knees and then started to stand, drawing her up with him. When they were both upright he gently pushed her back so he could get a better look at her.

In addition to the damage at the front of her suit, she was missing one glove and her belt. Her hair was a mess, and he could now see a small oval-shaped bruise on the exposed part of her chest.

"Is the baby all right?" he blurted out.

Shego's mouth formed an 'O' which he understood to mean that she hadn't thought about that. He hoped that meant it was fine.

"Yes... I think so. I hope so," she said, her voice shaking as she fell against his chest again.

"What happened?" he repeated as his arms circled her back and held her gently.

Her rapid breathing wasn't calming, and she became heavier in his arms. He started slowly walking her back toward their bedroom. She gasped once and then took a measured breath.

"You remember this morning... I told you that Dr. Director was sending me out after Sangerson? That they finally had all the evidence for a judge to convict, and it was just a matter of finding him and bringing him in?"

Drakken felt a mixture of ice and fire run through his nerves at the mention of the name of the criminal. Bill Sangerson, a sex-trafficker so notorious that once when he had done time for too many speeding tickets, he turned the jail into another branch of his dark empire and it had remained corrupt after his release. And there were no limits on who he would target, and people who crossed him always mysteriously "disappeared." He was one of the worst criminals Drakken had ever heard of.

"Yes?" Drakken said as they entered the bedroom. He kept his arms around her as they slowly sat down on the bed, but she moved her arms to hug herself and cover the front of her suit where it was stuck open due to the broken zipper.

"He must have seen it coming..." Shego said, her eyes growing dark. "I got through all the usual hazards and guards... And he was just sitting in his study. Grinning at me. I should have known it was a trap," she said, growling at herself. It was the most normal thing she'd done since she'd arrived back home.

"What happened?" Drakken asked, feeling like a broken record.

"He actually dropped a cage on me from the ceiling. It shouldn't have been a problem, but the bars were were live with electricity. And then he...he knocked me out with some kind of gas..."

Shego's eyes had grown more fearful. She glanced up at Drakken as her eyes suddenly became apologetic through the terror.

"I faked it at first. I held my breath for as long as I could... But I had to breathe eventually. So when I passed out, I hadn't taken in too much of it. I was...still aware when he dragged me out of the study into his bedroom."

Drakken nearly choked at the horrible fear that came over him then, chilling him from head to toe. He looked at the open front of Shego's suit with an entirely different mind. All of the usual dangers they faced both in their past lives as villains and their current lives as heroes paled in comparison to what she was implying. His hands tightened on her shoulders as his wide eyes looked between her face and her suit, trying to calculate every terrible possibility that made sense and also those that didn't.

Shego shook her head, her eyes begging forgiveness again as she took a breath to continue. "He...he got pretty far before I could overcome the gas. I'm sorry, Drakken. The gas was... I haven't dealt with that before," she said, shaking her head in annoyance.

Drakken's mind, spinning with fear and far too many questions, suddenly flew back to their very young child growing inside her.

"We need to get you to the Global Justice doctors. Find out what the gas was, and if it can hurt the baby."

Shego nodded, but something in her expression prevented him from standing and hauling her out the door and into the hover-car. The horror was still present in her eyes... Even though it was clear without further explanation that she had been the ultimate victor in the dreadful attack.

He blinked a few times and studied her hollow, terror-stricken gaze. His brow furrowed.

"You stopped him," he stated.

Shego glanced at him briefly before nodding, but didn't say any more even though it appeared that she wanted to. Drakken tried to think of every possible reason for her fear... Worry for the baby... Being aware of what was happening to her, but powerless to stop it as the knock-out gas worked through her system... He was thankful she'd held her breath and taken in as little as possible. But still, she'd seemed so devastated that the other man had touched her at all, even if only briefly.

Drakken's eyes widened. He was assuming it was briefly... What if it hadn't been?

He swallowed down the bile that rose in his throat and focused on what mattered more in the moment as she continued looking at him apologetically. He voiced the very important point that she needed to know.

"It wasn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong," he said reassuringly, rubbing her shoulders.

Shego shook her head. "I... Drakken, I..."

The racing of his mind started anew. He had analyzed the situation as accurately as possible with the given information. But she was acting like he had missed something. What had he missed?

"I killed him."

Drakken felt the world stop briefly, and then heard his heart beating in his ears.

 _"I killed him."_ His mind echoed her words to be sure he had heard them correctly. And the look in her eyes showed that he had.

In all their years as villains, and for all of their threats and truly dangerous wold-conquering schemes...somehow they had managed to never actually kill anyone. The threat had always been there. Sometimes planned out in detail, especially in considering the demise of a certain teen hero. But still, they had never actually accomplished that particular crime.

Now Shego had.

"It was an accident!" she said, answering his unspoken question. "He had this taser that was worse than anything I've ever felt, and I was still pretty out of it from the gas. And I was scared of...of what he was trying to do."

Drakken listened to the rambling, desperate explanation as she described how she had fought the villain off while half-incapacitated as he had continued in his vile attempts to take advantage of her. Which was putting it far too mildly, Drakken thought.

"...And he kept dodging my glow. The gas was still affecting me, I couldn't shoot straight. And he hit me with the taser again and knocked me back onto his bed. He said...he was going to keep me in that cage. And when he came at me again, I... I kicked him so hard I could hear his neck snap."

Shego shuddered and a tear slipped down her scraped and bleeding cheek. Drakken gathered her close and held her tightly as she trembled against him.

"Did you tell Global Justice?"

She looked up briefly as she shook her head, and then dropped it down against his chest.

"He took my cell phone, and I forgot about it... I was too out of it. I just wanted to get home."

Drakken wondered what the potential ramifications would be for what had ultimately happened. It was clearly self-defense... Surely any court would see that?

Minutes passed with Shego shaking in his arms as he gently stroked her hair. She didn't seem to be relaxing at all, and as he looked down at her damaged suit he realized it probably wasn't helping that she was sitting there like that, wearing a reminder of what had happened.

"How about you...get cleaned up, and then we can go to bed?" he suggested softly.

After a moment she nodded, and then stood up. She grabbed a pair of clean underwear from the dresser and her thin, summer robe from the hook by the bathroom door, and then she paused and glanced back at where he still sat. He quickly rose and hurried to join her, following her into the bathroom.

She had some difficulty getting out of her suit due to the broken zipper and Drakken ended up having to help her. The zip-close was damaged even worse as they forced it open, but it did make Drakken wonder if her suit had been damaged during the attack...or during her escape.

He leaned against the counter and just watched as she showered, her hair pinned up on her head to prevent it getting wet. The disturbed look wasn't leaving her face, and she kept glancing at him in a mixture of fear and apology. He had never seen her look like that.

Drakken scowled at the memory of the man who had dared attack his wife. If she hadn't already killed him, he may have been driven to do so himself. Because in everything they had been through over the years, including near-death by aliens, he had never seen her look as disturbed and fear-stricken as she did then.

Her shower was brief, and after she'd dried off and donned her underwear and robe she went straight to him. He held her close again, resting his cheek against her head as she tried to draw as near as possible. And after a few minutes, despite himself, he yawned.

"Do you want to try to get some sleep?" he asked after the reflex from his exhaustion subsided.

She nodded, and so they went back into the bedroom and Drakken let her out of his embrace so he could fix the bedcovers that had fallen off the bed in a tangle during his earlier haste to reach her.

Shego didn't change into her pajamas, but she let her hair down as she sat on the bed and crossed her legs, watching him. He gently draped the blue blanket over her lap as his last act before sliding into the bed next to her. As soon as he was settled and the lights dimmed, she lay down and slipped into his embrace again.

Her trembling had diminished greatly since the shower and now only came in short bursts. Her fingers clung to the front of his pajama shirt and her legs wove into his as they lay facing each other on their sides. A shaky sigh escaped her lips after only about a minute of lying in the dark.

"It's okay. Everything will be okay..." he tried to reassure her, placing a lingering kiss on her forehead.

"I didn't mean to kill him..." she said quietly, almost pleading. "It was an accident."

"I know," Drakken whispered back. "But if you hadn't... I probably would have gone after him for what he...for what he tried to do to you."

Shego curled closer into his chest. "I'm sorry I couldn't stop him from...from touching me," she said lowly and bitterly.

He could hear the hurt in her voice, and it worried him that she seemed to think she bore some responsibility in the matter. He paused to consider the situation, and what he thought she was thinking. After a moment he kissed her cheek next to her mouth.

"It wasn't your fault," he said gently, placing a second kiss on her jaw next to her ear and shifting his arms around her to pull her closer.

He felt her tense ever-so-slightly, and he pulled back to look at her face. Her expression was still fearful, though it had calmed a great deal from when she had first come back. But the sadness and pain that were taking over her features confused and worried him. It wasn't the shock anymore, but something deeper and darker.

His own concerns led him to slide his hand down between them and place it protectively over her flat stomach. He was worried not only for her mental and emotional state, but for the baby that they had only recently learned existed. In the morning it would be an absolute necessity that they have her checked out in regards to the poison gas that had been used against her, and the strong taser as well.

Drakken's eyes slipped closed... And he jerked awake suddenly, wondering when he had started dozing off. The sudden movement startled Shego, who took a quick breath in and then let it out slowly as she relaxed back into his chest. Her face was still sad when he peered at her. Glancing at the clock that read nearly four-thirty in the morning, he understood why he was falling asleep without knowing.

He kissed Shego's forehead and moved his arms to rest more comfortably around her. He felt her tense up as she had before, and his brow furrowed. Why would a kiss bother her...

"What's wrong?" he asked, looking down at her sad expression.

She glanced up and then tucked herself more closely into him. "He... He was kissing me."

A sick feeling swept Drakken's body. He clenched his teeth as his stomach turned and an anger rose in his chest.

"I'm sorry..." she said, her voice thick with pain. "The gas was too strong. I couldn't get my hands to move, or even ignite."

Drakken forced away his building rage against the dead man, as it was wholly unproductive. He stroked Shego's hair, but despite the slight calming effect it had on her breathing it did nothing for her sad and fearful expression.

"I'm sorry..." she repeated, her voice lower. "I wanted to stop him..."

Drakken blinked away the tiredness as he tried to figure out everything she was saying. She _had_ stopped the assailant, before anything worse could happen to her. He looked at the scrapes on her cheek, and the small bruise on her chest which was low on the swell of her right breast. Just...exactly how much had she had to endure before regaining the ability to defend herself? And then when she had, how long had she had to fight?

Drakken kissed her cheek long and soft, and then the other. He rubbed her stomach gently as he continued kissing her face, her hairline, and her lips. She responded in kind to the light pressure on her lips, but her eyes were still sad.

Drakken frowned. "But you did stop him," he said definitively.

Shego shuddered and cuddled even closer. Drakken took the chance to slowly roll onto his back, pulling her with him until she half-rested on his front, her face just below his. She made a tiny sound of protest, but he wanted her full attention.

"Even if...even _if_ something worse had happened. You're still mine. Nothing can change that."

A tiny, faint light rose in Shego's eyes amid the sadness, and a moment later she leaned down to kiss him. He carefully rolled them to lay on their sides again kissing her all the while, the press of her lips long and warm and soft.

He was starting to understand the apparent weight of her sadness as he felt her tension slightly fade. They both took their relationship very seriously. Ever since getting together, neither of them had even glanced at anyone else; they were a model couple in that regard. It probably seemed odd to those who knew them as ex-villains, but they were utterly loyal to one another in every way, most of all as husband and wife.

The idea that next hit him had no logical basis he could come up with, and yet he felt compelled to try it. He very gently pushed Shego to lay on her back, his lips only leaving hers when she was settled on the pillow. He noticed she kept her arms straight down at her sides. He thought of the way her suit had been stuck open and her belt missing, and then he moved his hand slowly up to her chest and rested his hand over her heart. He listened to the quiet catch of Shego's breath, but then she met his eyes in the dark and he knew he'd had the right idea.

If that evil person had left her with horrible memories of an unwanted touch, he would erase them with new memories of a welcome touch.

He considered again that Shego had been half-conscious and unable to fight while under the influence of the gas. And like a cold splash of water his own naiveté hit him, because in fact...she could have been incapacitated for quite a long time. He bit down on the nausea that rose in him at the awful thought. As he looked at her face, her eyes were still sad but becoming more hopeful as she watched him and waited, silently trusting. But she suddenly looked less like his fierce, warrior wife and much more young and in need of protection.

"You stopped him," he repeated his earlier statement, clinging to that vague truth.

Shego nodded slowly. But he needed to know more.

He took a deep breath and held it. A new, hated question began burning at the tip of his tongue. His mind fought between just accepting her simple response and pressing for more. He should be okay with not knowing... But her continued apologizing compelled him. The question demanded asking.

"Where exactly did he touch you?"

Shego held her breath. The look in her eyes was all the answer he needed, and he closed his own in pain and anger. He had an explanation for the bruise on her chest, and he wondered fearfully if she had others in other places that he hadn't seen when her back had been to him in the shower.

He cursed under his breath, more at his own slowness than anything. But he felt even more strongly...if Shego hadn't already killed the man, he'd have become a murderer that night.

Again, he forced away the bitterness and rage and put all of his focus into comforting his wife. He leaned up on one elbow over her and took his hand from her chest to gently stroke her cheek. And then staring into her eyes he slowly and meticulously began caressing every part of her. From her slender arms to the curve of her hips, he didn't leave any surface of her skin untouched.

His eyes never left hers, and the way she would slightly tense when his hand approached certain locations alerted him to pay more attention. The first was when his fingers ghosted over the bruise on her chest. The second was when his hand reached her left hip. After a moment of indecision he pushed her robe aside and saw a pattern of finger-sized bruises.

As he stared at her marred skin his breaths came faster and anger burned in his chest. But a sudden soft touch on his shoulder brought his eyes back to hers. Her hand slid up behind his neck where her fingers pressed into his muscles lightly. Her eyes were asking him to continue, and he remembered his purpose. He tossed her robe closed again and let his hand rest over the spot until the warmth of her skin matched the warmth of his. Her hand slowly slid off his neck and she set her arm back at his side.

The growing peace in her eyes affirmed again that he had made the right call in his careful and doting attentions. But as his touches grew more intimate he found not her, but himself struggling. The bruises he'd seen weren't helping either. The idea of anyone else even getting near her in such a way risked turning his well-ordered mind to chaos. But the calm in her eyes helped him focus all of his dangerous energy.

But for touching his neck to get his attention, she had lain un-moving under his touch. She had simply stared into his eyes and he into hers, and he was relieved to see her steadily calming under his attentions. But a particularly intimate touch elicited a tiny hum from her followed by the closing of her eyes and a slight twitch under his hand. Tears began slipping down the sides of her face, but she was still relaxing into his tender but deliberate ministrations.

A new horrible idea occurred to Drakken. He hadn't thought things could get worse. He looked away as anxiety clouded his features.

"Shego, um... When he...when he was...... Did you, um... Did you feel...?"

"No," Shego interrupted with a deep frown, her expression darkening. "Why would you ask me that?"

As he gazed at her, the hurt and annoyed expression she wore was the most like herself she'd looked since getting back. He bit his lip. He wanted nothing but to be strong for her. Still...

"Sorry, it's... I think the shock is wearing off. It's really...just hitting me now, how much danger you were in. And everything that could have happened."

Her hands which had lain still at her sides, came up to gently hold onto his shoulders.

"Well... It didn't," she said quietly.

The fear that returned to her eyes as a result of his questioning made his heart hurt. He leaned down and kissed her cheek as he continued the gentle, claiming touches of his hand. He then kissed her collarbone, and pushed her robe aside to kiss her shoulder.

He looked at her face and saw again that he was on the right track even as tears continued falling down her face. A dark anger boiled again at the idea of anyone else ever touching her in the ways that were his privilege alone. Especially someone as vile as Sangerson. But he put away the thoughts of the dead man and poured all his concentration into reminding her of what a real loving touch was like.

He let his lips wander almost as freely as his hand, and as he shifted his weight to his knees he used his newly freed hand to slowly and repeatedly brush her hair back from her forehead. His actions were still entirely methodical, and he kept checking her face to be sure she was all right. The calm in her eyes continued to grow despite her falling tears, and her hands remained securely on his shoulders. After a few minutes, another tiny hum left her lips and she twitched under his touch. He felt her fingers tighten on his shoulders.

"Come here," she breathed.

He moved up and over her, and stared into her eyes as she wrapped her arms around him and stared back. He stroked her cheek with the backs of his fingers, and he felt her fingertips lightly pressing into his back and fidgeting with his shirt fabric. When one of her feet hooked behind the back of his knee, he felt confident enough to speak.

"You're mine," he said with gentle assurance.

The rising peace in her eyes drove the remaining fear and anger from his mind. He was so tired he didn't think he could continue any further affections, but he leaned down and placed a long, soft kiss on her lips. She returned it with a sharp intake of breath through her nostrils that she released slowly as her arms tightened around his back.

"I'm yours..." she said softly after their lips parted. There was an absolution in her voice that caused him to raise his brow. The small but steady smile she gave him when she spoke next served to banish the last of the worry he was feeling. "I've always been yours. Only yours."

He kissed her again, but he gently pulled her until they lay on their sides before their amorousness grew to an intensity he knew he was too tired to follow-through on. When their lips parted she cuddled into his chest and draped her calf up and behind his thigh. He pulled her close and rested his chin atop her head, as her face was pressed into his pajama shirt. He could feel the deep relaxation that had come over her as she rested against him, and her tears had stilled too.

She hummed again, her voice communicating a sound of peace and yearning. He resolved to give her any and all affections she wanted as soon as they had both had had several hours of sleep. And then they could start into other aspects of recovery too... Making sure their baby was fine above all else, and also being sure that Global Justice wouldn't find some excuse to blame her and then prosecute her for the criminal's death.

"Thank you."

Her words, muffled where her face was still pressed to his chest, brought him out of his thoughts. He shifted and she pulled back to look up at him.

"How did you know what I needed? I didn't even know."

Drakken considered and then shrugged slightly. "I just thought...if it were me, I would want to erase that memory."

Shego tensed slightly and pressed her face into his chest again. As tired as he was, he leaned up on his elbow to watch her. Her expression had clouded, and worry sprang back into his mind. Had he missed something again? Had he done something wrong?

"Just need a way to erase the memory of killing him," she muttered.

Drakken frowned and rubbed her arm. The idea of the awful criminal whose face he barely remembered from one Global Justice file, who had attempted the worst crime against his wife, getting any sort of sympathy...especially from her, was vile.

"He deserved it."

Shego tilted her head to look at him, her eyes compelling him to continue.

"Even without what he was...trying to do to you. Look at all the crimes you were there to bring him in for. How would a judge sentence him?" Drakken reasoned. "Besides, it...it was just an accident. You were defending yourself."

Shego leaned away slightly to see his face better.

"How would you feel if you killed someone?"

Drakken glanced away. He had privately always been grateful that they had never become murderers when they were villains. But knowing who Sangerson was, and what he had tried to do to his wife... _His_ wife... His _pregnant_ wife.

"If you hadn't killed him, I would have. After what he tried to do," he said and looked back at her.

Shego raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Really? In cold blood?"

Drakken felt the fire and fury building in his chest again at the thought of the attack she had been prey to, cleverly calculated and of a type of evil he had never wanted to touch. And then he imagined his own hands wrapping around the villain's throat and extinguishing his life as easily as blowing out a candle.

The idea of punishing the man, making him feel pain and fear for once, satisfied the fire in Drakken's chest. But as he let the thought carry on, it left behind a sick, dark feeling in the pit of his stomach when he imagined a crumpled heap at his feet of what had formerly been a human life.

"You don't really want to," Shego said, drawing his focus back to her. "It's just not worth it."

Drakken looked at the disturbed look on her face and quickly realized she was right. Acting on his anger wouldn't really be justice, only vengeance. It would just be murder, no better than what Sangerson had done to so many throughout his criminal career.

"Shego..." Her face had grown so dark that it scared him, and he pulled her close to him again as he peered into her eyes. "You were defending yourself. And you read his file... If he'd kept you trapped there...he would have killed you eventually. So it's...it's fine."

"Tell that to my conscience," she said, burrowing back into his chest.

Drakken rubbed her back as he considered the situation. She shouldn't be feeling bad... Especially over someone as evil and irredeemable as Sangerson. He didn't understand.

"What were you thinking about...when you killed him?" he asked. He grimaced as he felt Shego tense. After several seconds she sighed.

"He had just tased me again, and I still felt nauseous from the gas and from...what he'd been doing to me. The electricity kept me from moving much. He came at me and said...my new home was the cage. And that he was glad I hadn't completely passed out. He said he liked the idea of me...of _me_ being awake and feeling everything he was doing. He was glad they had sent me specifically."

Drakken's gut twisted as he watched her face alternate between anger and fear. Suddenly she sat up, and her expression darkened. He quickly rose next to her and set his arms around her and waited while she thought.

"It's easier...to get over what he was doing to me," she said quietly. "I was so sad that he might...that he might take what's yours. And angry. But you're right." She looked up at him. "That's not my fault. I'm not responsible for his actions. But..."

Drakken waited again while she took a long, shaky breath, seemingly unable to get enough air. He moved his hands to her shoulders and turned his thumbs over them to soothe her.

"But me kicking him... Do you have any idea how many fights I've been in?"

Drakken blinked and considered. "Ah..."

"Exactly. Too many to count. And I've never...ever killed, or even maimed anyone. So why did I lose control this time? I know better than to kick anyone that hard. Even when I'm that angry, I don't do it."

Her face had morphed into a scowl of self-loathing, and Drakken gathered her close to him as he understood her pain. For Shego who was almost more of a control-freak than him, to feel she had lost her greatest source of power and strength...would indeed be terrifying. It scared him to think of it.

But, that hadn't been the situation. He gently pushed her back and tilted her chin up to make her look at him.

"But Shego... You were half-conscious and you had those taser-wires in you. You didn't lose control. He...he took that from you, too."

Shego's lips parted as her brow rose. She blinked several times, and Drakken watched a series of emotions play through her eyes as she appeared to be recalling the situation again and weighing his words against the facts she knew. He frowned, not wanting her to ever have to remember the awful night. But slowly...gradually... Her face seemed to be clearing... Perhaps more peace could yet be found before the night ended.

Shego looked up at him in awe as a dawning light came to her eyes. A soft, yearning whimper escaped her lips just before they found his. It was barely a kiss, as less than a second later her cheek was pressed to his and her arms were wrapped tightly around him. He returned the embrace and felt a calm begin to settle around his mind and heart.

"Drakken..." she said, her voice desperate and at the same time full of relief.

Before he could speak he heard her sniffle, and within seconds her entire frame was shaking as she cried over his shoulder. He held her gently as she let out the remaining stress and emotion she had been suppressing, and as the minutes passed his eyes happened to fall on the clock. It was nearly five-thirty in the morning.

He would be calling in sick to his research job with GJ that day.

Shego's crying went on and he let himself lose track of the minutes that passed as he stroked her hair and slowly rubbed her back. He had closed his eyes and rested his cheek against her hair, aware again of his tiredness despite the situation. He was wondering how long Shego may need to process all that had happened, when suddenly she pulled away from him. He startled back to alertness and was stunned to see her looking at him in irritation.

"Why don't you cry?" she asked him.

Drakken blinked. "Cry...?"

"You can't just...bottle this all up, anymore than I can. I know you. It will come back in a month or two and you'll have...developed some whole ridiculous psychological complex about it because you didn't just deal with it. You were doing better before when you were asking those uncomfortable questions."

Drakken's brow furrowed. He certainly hadn't been having an easy time with his feelings that night, especially after waiting up for hours and discovering all his worries were well-founded. But he knew himself too... He knew that giving into his feelings would involved a lot of talking about what had happened, and what could have happened... It would only remind her more of what she'd been forced to endure, and erase his work at helping her forget. And he certainly couldn't fall apart while she still needed comfort...

As if reading his mind, Shego lightly hit his shoulder and frowned at him. "You're not less strong for me by taking care of yourself, too."

Drakken stared at the determination in her eyes, almost challenging him to let his emotions go as she had. Her face was still stained with tears, but most of her strength seemed to have returned. There was still something deep and desperate behind her eyes that he didn't quite understand.

He considered her almost-demand on him, and after several seconds of silence he sighed in resignation and let his mind return to what had happened to her. He wasn't surprised when the familiar rage he had been shutting down flared and he imagined himself killing her assailant once again. She was right that to kill in cold blood would be something he'd deeply regret... But he knew that had he been there with her, he may not have had the self-control to stop.

Something about his expression must have satisfied Shego, because she set her chin on his shoulder and snuggled softly against him. He set his arms around her and held her gently at first, but as he allowed the fury to swirl through him his grip on her slim frame became fierce. Hot tears slipped from his tightly closed eyes as he let the fear of all he could have lost take presence. Because of course he couldn't only think of what had happened, but what might have happened. If Sangerson's trap had been successful, he would have lost her forever... And their child.

It was a future worse than his own death.

"Okay...Drakken..."

He gasped lightly as he heard her choked words. He let her go and leaned back to look at her worriedly. He'd been holding her too tightly.

"Maybe a little more moderation with the emotional release..." She coughed twice, and then wiped the tears from her face. Drakken continued to look at her worriedly.

"What were you thinking about anyway?" she asked.

Drakken glanced away guiltily. "Killing Sangerson..."

"Don't think about that," Shego said quietly, but firmly. She shook her head. "You don't want...to let yourself even think it. Actually doing it is..."

Drakken rubbed her arm. "I was also thinking...that if he'd won, I would have lost you and the baby..."

Shego set a hand on her middle and her expression grew melancholy.

"But...he didn't," Drakken added quickly. He held tight to that truth and drew a deep breath, and as he released it he felt the tension he'd allowed to build start to fade again.

Her expression cleared, and she set her arms around his neck and tilted her face up to kiss him softly. Her head rested on his shoulder a few moments later, and he sighed. He felt a bit sick from the intensity of emotion he'd let himself feel. But she had been right. As soon as he knew she was totally fine, he would have started obsessing over all of it... He still might.

Shego drew back and set her hand on his cheek, and his eyes fell to hers.

"We're not going to think irrationally about any of this," she said. It was as if she'd read his mind again. "If...we need to deal with something, we'll deal with it right here. And we won't hide it from each other and wait until it's turned into...something it shouldn't."

Her gaze was piercing, and he swallowed as he nodded his assent. She knew him so well, it was almost scary. But he knew that her words were for herself too, as there was still a haunted look buried deep within her eyes. A person doesn't just get over an attack like had been waged against her. No matter how much he wished for her sake that she could.

He reached his fingers up to stroke her cheek gently, avoiding the scrapes that were the most startling physical evidence of what had happened.

"Okay," he said, feeling a strong assurance come over him with the acknowledgement. She was right. Any issue that arose, no matter how big or small, they would deal with together. And that understanding that they were there for each other brought the strongest peace he'd felt so far in the dreadful dawn hours.

"Okay," she echoed, her eyes reflecting the peace he felt. She glanced down to straighten her thin robe.

Drakken stifled a yawn as he watched her. He wanted to ask if they could sleep, but he felt a twinge of guilt at the selfishness of the question. Of course she would tell him it wasn't selfish, but he was still going to prioritize her until he was absolutely certain she was fine.

She looked up and studied him briefly, as if she could hear his thoughts again.

"What do you need right now?" he asked quickly, but genuinely.

Shego pushed her hair back and set her hands on his shoulders. She looked down.

"Um..."

He knew that despite her declaration that they would deal with everything, it was still hard for her to show any of what she considered weakness. But he watched her steel herself before she set her head on his shoulder.

"Just hold me. I need to know you're here."

He secured his arms around her and closed his eyes. To be near her was really all he needed too.

A few minutes passed, and Drakken let his eyes close. He began drifting in the blackness behind his eyes... And then she spoke.

"I think I can sleep now..." she said quietly.

A massive relief came over Drakken as she tugged the front of his pajama shirt and guided him to lay down. As soon as his body hit the mattress he felt exhaustion hit him like a freight train, and he struggled to stay awake as he drew her close to him. She snuggled into the familiar, comfortable position against his chest as his arms pulled her closer. The relaxation that fell over her was instant, and he felt himself following and sinking rapidly into sleep.

"And... Can you do what you were doing before?"

Her voice came to him through the dark and he forced his mind to acknowledge and process the words. His brain sluggishly filled in that she wanted to be touched and caressed and claimed by him.

He left one arm around her while he moved his other hand to slowly run up the length of her thigh and then back down, his fingers spread to cover more surface area. As before, he put a firmness into the touch that spoke possession but a gentleness that spoke only love. Her relaxation deepened and she sighed soundlessly into his chest. He repeated the action almost too slowly, adjusting the position of his hand each time until a few minutes later he had entirely circled her upper leg with the touch.

Drakken realized as he moved on to touch her back that her breathing had evened. He stilled his hand, but almost immediately she shifted and tilted her chin toward him. He gently rubbed her hip.

"Drakken..." she murmured. There was a hint of question in her voice.

"Yes?" he answered softly.

"I love you..." she said with a grateful sigh, and pressed her face deeper into his chest.

He took a long breath and let it out in a quick, sigh. An even deeper relaxation came over him.

Everything would be fine. They were going to be fine. He believed it.

"I love you," he answered.

He continued the methodical caresses up and down her back, long and slow, as he listened to her breathing even out again and several minutes passed. When he was sure she was asleep he realized that the gray light of pre-dawn was shining beneath the curtains of their bedroom window. But he closed his eyes to it and anything else in the world. Right then, his world only consisted of his wife and their unborn child.

He settled his hand up to cradle the back of her head, his fingers weaving into her hair. On seeming instinct, she shifted against him and relaxed further. Drakken responded in kind. And almost instantly, as the first dim ray of morning light shone across their carpet, he finally fell deep into slumber.


End file.
